son coming back home?

Well here we are again at this hurtful point,humbling,evaluating,observating and questioning yourself if this is the thing to do cause your love is so big? but then u ask the ? is this the right thing to do,one more chance,is anything going to change? He promises the world that it won`t happen again but you still got a ? mark on the issue

againyou love the kid(man)and you hope for the best and ask God to watch over you and them,Well God here i put it again please watch over us and give us your blessings so we could move on.

why when we are young some of us trow it all away

This is one of the hardest things i done in a while-which tell my nephew to leave the house for good 1.when we brought him here the deal was,,,,,-school,clean your room and trow garbage twice a wk that`s it 2.the first year he failed- -i was warned by his step-father but i gave the kid the benefit of doubt,WRONG again , 3.he lies like is no tomorrow,i think and i am right by saying that he also takes what don`t belong to him- very bad habits 4. so he`s been told to leave our home and grow up somewhere else,he made all this happen by not meeting his side of the deal for 3 years he failed school WHAT A WASTED OF TIME! 5. I cant do it no more dont have the energy or will to keep on going and waiting for something to happen.I wish him the same wish like always for him to make it and wake the fuck up. April 6,2011

When you realize as a parent that your kid has some disturbing character traits it takes your breath ,soul,morale,hopes and etc,,,,,,, away for good and you still hope somewhere they turn it for the better but deep down you know is not going to happen ever it` s frustrating to say the least.God why me ? you ask yourself and then you get it ! why not? in the last 3 years i have taken a beating personally,family wise,financially,spiritually and all for some purpose that i don`t know yet ,but i am praying is positive.My son doesn`t get it,it`s taken him a lot of time to be that human being that i hope, well! wishful thinking.but a man that abuse other people and think he is entitle to respect is very erratic in his ways and would never change.He always thinks" is not my fault" and he can`t be more wrong.just whatever you are going to do with your life don`t do it in my home ever cause you have cause me enough bullshit already and i am not going to deal with it again!!!!!!!!!

4/22/2011

Hello,just another day in the life of worried,angry,hurt and tired.Again it happened! my son SCREW UP again ,he put his fucking hands on another woman or girl,, and this is not acceptable by him or anyone(is a total disgrace).right now i am too upset to put on words the way i FEEL.

Hi today i will try to write again what i started yesterday,like i said before i am so angry at my son for reasons that you will figure out tru my words and sad to say is not great!!!,i am so drained cause people that don`t know "us will judge" ,,,,,continuation to the anger inside me for the things that happens when things don`t change.I never in my lifetime would imaging someone that shared create would be such an abuser and then blame it on psychological issues,BS no believe by me on that subject NONE!.My wife is drained,i am in disbelief but belief is happening cause i see it with my eyes.what i see from his behaviour is that is OK cause he feels that is our duty to fix all his created problems not him and he really believes it,but i am here to let him know is over! i don`t want him to visit us cause he will think everything is OK when is not OK and it will never be OK,i gave in so many times and look the other way and by that i mean trying to make it better ,by again trying . Have ignored my own issues and is getting me so depressed again,honestly he or anyone else cares? NO.Icome home and stay away from everyone,dont talk ,dont share.My friends and family is lonely in my heart and soul.Sometimes i share it with Nancy and we get into a confrontation cause i know maybe shes tired of me or everything.I hope someday Nancy will have a chance to share this words with me"maybe"tru all i have stayed clean and done what i am supposed to do as far my addiction is concern

thanksgiving dinner/holidays 2009 xmas

We at my home have gone tru an emotion roller coaster,we have dealt with death(2) within 2 months,bankruptcy,sickness,law issues,and a total shake-up of the roots in our tree,suffering is not a word for us is a reality,but we have a saying in our home and family God does not trow anything at you that it can not be handle.Holidays in this have been very traumatic the last 3 years,we have endured so far the worst of times this is why family is so important to everyone because when the chips are down the family will pull you tru all adversity that comes with misery and all it`s components,we know other families`s gone tru worst and we commend them in dealing with it.Right now we are pulling has a family even do it`s not perfect and we definitely need a family sit down or pow-wow to vent our grievances with each other that for years they have gone the way side it`s time to fix or let everyone know your feelings and views.I as an older member of the family have to consider everyone`s feelings,but it falls on the older members to pull the family tru and give it our all to fix and discuss issues that may break the family and it`s members.We trust all of them, so it will be done feelings or no feelings,one could sense the love that this family has for one another and we wanted to stay like this but every now and again it has to be pulled or tighten as a family
12/2009
Hello merry x-mas,today i am going tru another day of reminiscing my home is full like always gran kids,daughter`s in law,nephew,sister`s in law and my wife and dogs(3),would not have it any other way,just a couple of months ago i almost lost it all to prison and them you start appreciating life & freedom more often .It has been hard but do able i am clean of drugs,alcohol and the life,i know now the changes that need to be made to better myself and family,i am still struggling with finances and day to day life but i am making adjustments as i go,my father is more supporting with the whole thing,is a journey not a sprint get it!!!!and that`s the way i am taking it.I am looking at comm service in the future,work and guest speaking at where ever needed.Thank you my God for the blessings
.12/25/09 xmas 2009
Hello and merry xmas woww! today is the morning of Xmas here not past and for that i am deeply grateful to my family for being here tru all this turmoil that i have been tru,thanks to the lord Jesus Christ only he knows why? But we all have to go tru this events in our life at one time or another to be a better person for me and all for years to come,today i will enjoy
this day that i haven`t enjoy in years being CLEAN DRUG FREE AND ALCOHOL this is by no means the end but the beginning of my second coming as i would say,things that happen to me were for the best and one would think is not.
12 /28/09
Hello my friends yes i consider all friends good and bad,this has been a great experience this year good and bad,my dear and faithful wife has been with me every step of the way even do it cost her problem for being supportive,i talk about on other blogs,the lost of my nephew was one of the hardest things to take because of him being so young just starting to understanding this thing called "LIFE" the kid did not have a chance,i tried to help in the only ways i knew at the time and i say it like this because when you don`t know the particulars is like being BLIND,i wish today he would be here but the LORD wants him or needs him there to watch over us cause we need it ! and God took him to do just that at least that is my thinking and faith,you look and reflect in moments like this so we could make sense of things as they come.Well i have always believed on the lord and his ways,what can we hang on to if not his mercy.

HALLOWEEN 2009

HI,is Halloween and i am looking at my grand kids and is crazy just to think was going to be at JAIL FOR 10 MONTHS fu_ _ ,i am living and doing the best i could under the circumstances,pretty soon community work is coming i am looking forward to it i hope there wont be disappointments,you know this is not bad but in my case i am limited due to my sickness ,you could read about it at http://famtraditions.blogspot.com/ ,pity no, i am honor to be and live with my wife for, i think 24+ years but who`s counting and in return i have given her all of me.I am a man of my home and so far it has work for me and her,yes we fight,we argue and give each other dirty looks but at the end of the day is all a happy family,i have 6 grankids 3 mans 3 daughters in law and they are great girls cant ask for anything more.I made the mistake of getting addicted and it cost me,a judge in Allentown gave me an opportunity to stay home and well here i am,even do she made it clear if i f up i am going to it,i am putting some distance between addiction and i,but the reality of it is Always around so i have to be strong.recently i was introduce to my new PO officer for the next 3 years,something i have to go tru,,,

community service

Well my friends & readers that care to read what i write and i hope is someone out there reading a little bit of it.Today i just heard the news that Mark McGuire the steroid man is coming back to baseball ain't this crazy how about Pete Rose he did more for the game than he took if anything else PLEASE OPEN " which it stands for underprivileged kids opening the doors that everyone else closes at them,i will try to take something and give a lot to the young ones with allmy heart and that is going to be it.So please help me God,,,,

fam traditions/death in the family

Today is one of decision days,we have to tell my mother in law the recent developments on my sister in law health ,and we don`t know how she as a mother is going to take it because her health,but we went ahead and deliver the news she took it very well and it didn`t surprised us!.Now about my sis in law she is doing very well the Dr`s put a simple feeding tube on her nose
to at least give her the chance fight with dignity with out take the DNR off.She has being doing good considering her health ,we are very optimistic & realistic about the turn of events they could change in a moment notice ,so that is were we at right now ,see ya in a while,,,,,, Today is 9/25/09 my sister in law is with our maker,i ,she is well received since she suffered a lot while in life ,she was a recipient of abusive relationships twice and due to this she had low self steam,she leaves 2 kids or better yet young adults(18,13,m,f)her latest companion is the biggest bastard yet,he helped her destruction tru drug addiction & mental abuse ,for years we would call to her home and she would tell us that everything is ok and we would ask again and it was always the same response so there we knew something was wrong,,,it goes like this: he wouldn`t let her talk to her cousins ,sisters ,brothers and in return he would tell her "your family don`t care for you",why we didn`t do anything? we tried!!!,we called,ask her to come to Pa,family get together and many more things to no avail and it sucks!.She died of pulmonary complications due to a heavy crack addiction for years,now all this came out now
why now? well now she`s dead and she can`t defend herself but by the looks of it her husband help in enabling her,lying to her ,brainwashing her,he is a very sick puppy and he will have to answer to the maker of us someday.Well i don't want to make excuses for a lot of things ,but when you are purposely kept out in the loop is very difficult to help and GOD knows we wanted to do just that,we went as far as to bring 1 of her kids with us and we still didn`t now to what extend this damage was done,so for that i am sorry.She was a very beautiful girl its a shame ,just blowing of some steam!
October 2,2009
well she finally is an a better place than where she was,husband was a fraud this son of a bitch always kept her away from us even do she was an adult it did happen like that,i have been told that people that are abused either mentally or physically will withdraw from the family and for that we feel bad,he gives us a bed taste in our mouths,the lies,deceipt,games,stealing from her not only her dignity but her well being and for that he has to pay in his death bed when that time comes.Thank God she got to see all her family members and spoke to the majority before she started going into death mode,at the end this MF claimed he had no money and played the whole family!how can you sleep at night you piece of shit!,there is GOD an i trust he will take care of you MF....
11/18/09


Hi ,again i am writing about death one way or another,well my Nephew got shot by an teenage bullet with no regard to life what so ever MY NEPHEW WAS 19 YEARS OLD! why? one would ask,it`s baffling it`s not fair not even having a chance to live in your country with fear the war i understand you are told be careful with friendly fire and hostile,he was a great kid of course not perfect but who is?Felix was his name shot in new york just hours after another shooting the day before and 4 hours from the last which another young man of 17 years shot 3 more people hurting all 3 people and shooting a girl on the head,my nephew got it in the chest and the face fatally. Young people please be very aware with your friends and their disputes with other young men`s, unfortunally testasterone are flying high and reasoning is non existing and the end result is DEATH or taking someone life by accident but nonetheless is a life that is gone with out having a chance to choose which path you want to take(the victim),i dont have an idea of how many guns are out there.In the short term, guns should have a way of getting in our kids hands,can a system be deployed that guns could be accounted (universally)for and maybe some life`s be spared from a bullet.Something or someone got have an protocol towards weapons or a lot of innocent kids and human`s are going to heaven at a young age,,,,,,,like they say nothing is done till it happens to you,let`s bring attention to it.elacua1@gmail.com

Oh,so much has being going on in my life the last months,tru all my wife and i has optimistic about life and it`s surprises,a lot of the future depends on how i stay focus on the task at hand.My home is on the line ,my freedom,my health,like a counselor told and sumarized it "we have to be selfish with our selves"to stay CLEAN and SOBER ,i work so hard tru my younger years and now is slow motion which i am still trying to get used to,my family has taken a lot of hits of late,we are being tested as a family and as people so far we are staying the course the positive way which i am very proud of!.Now my nephew is a big hit cause my sister in law her health was fragile and we kind of expected it,but this no way!!!!!there are too many guns on young kids hands why? we will never know the answer to it,you as a person look for answers but of course no logic to it.Well tomorrow going to funeral to support my wife her sister and my family is no other way right now Bye.

11/24/09 Came back!

Hi ,today is Tuesday we went to my nephew`s funeral and needless to say the grief was overwhelming for all,the irony is were do we start to get everything or make sense of it ,is a couple of words to grieving enough? or following and doing something on the nephew memory this are things that one has to think for the benefit of moving on and doing the right thing ,well our plans are to bring my sister in law home with us(P.A)so she could at least fullfill his dream of taking his mom out of the city (N.Y.)my mother in law dealt with it in such a way(death)i could not forget to give thanks to all that went and support it our family in this terrible moment of course it always the though of people you have some beef with but we have to put that aside right now and make sure that the shooter gets what he deserves.We know more than we would like to know about what led to his death and we want to follow tru on it.

1/09/2010 another Grimm moment in life of losing a young one to guns.

Friday 1/08/2010 8:00 o`clock in the morning ,another loss of life to guns

this time an 8 year old baby wowwww! he`s only a baby!!!! come on,unfortunately a gun was the culprit to some extend

Today we get all the facts of the accident and with disbelief we sorrow again

the great loss of life at the expense of guns ,trust,lack of judment,responsability and guilt for years to come for the parents that needless to say are at the center of all this.The little young man,which i called with a lot of love "Boogie" he was so loving yet so smart,strong,love sports,very nosey which might have let to all this happening ,is no easy way of trying to explain the un explainable,i for one will remember him for being a great brother,son.nephew,cousin,grandson and an Angel of God that was called to the heavens with out a warning from the maker,so with all this said,WE LOVE YOU "BOOGIE" FOR EVER IT WILL BE,,,,,

famtraditions /last turn on life

We are heading to see my dear sister in law,we don't know if this will be the last stand on her part we were given the DECISION letting her live with a tube down her troat or going peacefully with out d.n.r,it was a couple of things we took into effect was strenght , count(immune system)condition and most of all pain vs pain it wasn`t an easy decision.It`s not easy when you have to make a decision on ones life let alone some one Else's.And then here comes the nephews,cousins,husband etc,,,,,,,,,,,it is very deflating emotionally