asking for help?famtraditions

Today is by far one of the most degrading days in my life,i am doing something that i don`t do for the following reasons 1-explanation opens door for questions 2-getting people you ask for help to criticized your life even do you never ask for help 3-they make you feel like you ask for help all the time 4-they dictate your needs etc,,,, you know the reason i took my chances in life is for this same reasons,i am tired of living in this turmoil is always something.This is why i feel like i am by my self,this thing lead to question yourself about you or me,why keep on struggling ,everything i work so hard for it`s gone.So right now i choose to overlook certain debts so i could concentrate on the rest of life i have left ,people don`t understand the decision i did in my life but maybe if they stop being so self centered they could maybe understand a Little of me,but is too much to ask?
I am 50 years old and i don`t know anymore how to think of life, i am sick no job,health insurance by the thread,relationship screw up,i have to listen why i am so f up and the rest of B.S. for 20 years i have tried to stay above water but as it turns out is not enough because i made a couple of mistakes and everything i done is shit,i wish i could say what i really feel in my heart but peoples will take it?i feel that the Little good i have done is a waste,, and because of that i am not going to help or get involve with anything or anything so help me GOD,, it takes a lot of your soul listening to family second guessing what you done and that`s why i say is over for me ,so good luck and life to every one and if you think you are better than anyone think again cause you are not!